The Jester’s Privilege
Reflections
I suppose I need to “show my work” here as well. That’s the thing. I don’t have any followers. I don’t collaborate with anyone. I doubt anyone even reads this.
I’m just some random guy with a jacked-up way of thinking who is very curious about “discrepancies.” The cracks are where the answers are.
So I’m not hiding anything. I’m on this website talking to myself, doing the cowardly dance. The meek and timid guy that’s trying to warn his parents that they are driving off a fucking cliff, but is too afraid to grab the wheel.
My whole thing is that I guarantee that we have all the answers we need. We just don’t talk to each other.
The Filter
I wanted to be a scientist because I thought it was cool. But now, I’m a little disappointed that it just looks like corporate America to me. Everyone doing their little siloed job, optimizing for the next quarter, complaining about the “company” not investing in their growth (while also praying they keep said job).
I assume people coming here are seeing one of four things:
This nigga thinks he’s Jesus (have you… read the shit I’ve been saying?!).
AI dork found one trick and thinks he solved the universe (tone over content).
Nihilistic doomer predicting the end times (on the contrary, I believe it just keeps going).
Better-than-thou jerk trying to bury science and take their jobs (perhaps you should take a closer look at what I do for a living).
An actual person would ask Why.
And my answer is that I’m doing the same thing the universe seems to do. I am using the barrier between us as a Filter in my defense.
If people think I’m one of those things, I’ll spend less time stressing over points I never made. Trying to prove a negative. Trying to show what I’m not. Fuck that. I just make them tune me out now.
I give them the tone because ironically, they either pattern-match me to something uncomfortable or just use AI (lol), which does the same thing. They were never here to be in motion.
They (physically) cannot see the point because they cannot see past themselves. I know this fact about us. I know this same fact about all this science I love.
It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who cares to look at it: a known Lie (that we know is a Lie) STILL baked into our fundamental belief system.
So I pattern my tone for the AI (or human - arguably worse these days) filters to ensure I’m seen as somebody you wouldn’t want to be seen with. But I’m not actually saying anything that isn’t a fair opinion. All I need to do is trigger those tone flags, and I will have a barrier that the AI won’t process cleanly. And if the AI won’t process it, they won’t either.
Speak confidently, say wild shit, use mysterious metaphors. I will always crack the code.
(^ See? A few pattern-matching sentences like that, and you can throw the whole universe out there… and it won’t be processed. Traced out. Averaged over. Give it something to attack and it will. AI is well past the Turing test, and it’s more sad than scary.)
I can’t fit the mold of some Substack weirdo. I’m no cult leader manipulating losers. I’m trying my best, on my weekends, during my free time, to learn hundreds of years worth of shit — just to try to do something that can change this shit. I feel like ol’ girl on Pluribus. The world is literally choosing to do this, and I’m screaming at the void.
What happened to wonder? What happened to curiosity? Do I seriously need to put on the Jester’s mask to ask?
The Lie
If you’ve been following the Research, I believe this world is a type of Kappa Distribution. And even my ass was too caught up in the Lie to see it.
I can translate ridiculously abstract things in many ways, but I can never explain myself. My "self" seems so odd to me. So diluted. If I was a self, I’d have to be one of those perspectives up there all the time. I don’t want that.
But I do want something.
I realized that my "Exile" wasn't noble. It was just the next stage of my cowardice.
My biggest Lie was being the meta-mirror.
I was averaging over the environment. I just assumed everyone is in it to chase grants, keep a job, be cited, do TED talks, get famous, get rich, make content, and all that other shit (granted, that is likely the majority).
But hiding in the cave because the city is loud is just another way of dying.
Sitting back and complaining about some “thing” holding you back is like sitting in a car and blaming cruise control for not braking.
Nigga, there is no adaptive cruise in life. You have to move to keep us safe.
It’s a thankless job, but that’s where life is. The shit you do for no applause. The words you write for no readers.
So I’ll leave my exile.
Maybe I can start focusing on the science and not the people. Maybe I can stop trying to play some edgelord version of 4D chess. If no one’s playing, you just look (and feel) shame.
I’m just doing the same thing “they” are doing. It’s time I had some Integrity where it counts.
The Rant
It’s my MySpace page, so allow me to rant here about the state of science.
I look at the silos and I see the tragedy of it.
I’m finding some extremely coincidental patterns across our research. Hell, I’m finding some extremely coincidental patterns across how we research.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, man. I’m just into the (what should be) Science of Alignment. I just want the work to matter.
Y’all have to talk to each other. There’s a LOT of shit out there. You're keeping these little shitty grants for what? Who said that you aren’t part of the universe? Who said your perception doesn’t matter when it clearly happened? You did.
You still believe the Lie that was never even there.
You handwave that Dark Energy right into place whenever you’re presented with a choice. You put the blanket on and go right back in the cell. You maintain it because you think everyone is in on it. Including me. Especially you.
There’s no way that I’m going to sit here and believe that we have been sitting on frameworks that handwave NINETY-FIVE PERCENT of the entire fucking universe for this long (oh heyyyy now! trust me, bro — it’s secret magic dark juice but you can’t see it), while ignoring ACTUAL OBSERVATIONS in favor of that mystical horseshit.
Are you fucking kidding me? And these are the people that average ME into a crank?! GTFOH.
I won’t buy it.
The Lie has entered my Exile. And now, I have to burn it down to leave.
Dude, what are you getting at?!
Nothing matters until it happens.
You do not need to matter to happen.
You do need to happen to matter.
The record only describes what happened.
It can do without the mattering.
But the relative perception of mattering leads to persistence.
And where relative perception and persistence meet, a boundary is formed.
Breaking the boundary is a new perception of the record.
And so it starts all over again.
It just keeps going.
So—
Who’s moving?
victoredmonds@pm.me
Stay in motion.